Resistance
Work with resistance wisely: discern danger vs discomfort, pace the work, and let your body lead integration.
Working with Resistance
Resistance isn't the enemy. It's information.
When you meet resistance, stop pushing. Start listening.
This page maps the territory of resistance—how to read it, work with it, and discern when to back off versus when to lean in.
If you're forcing through resistance and getting hurt: Read this now. If you're avoiding everything uncomfortable: Also read this now.
The skill is discernment—knowing which type of resistance you're facing.
KEY IDEA
Resistance = your system saying either "Not safe yet" or "This is uncomfortable."
The work is discerning which—and responding accordingly.
Get it wrong either way and you create problems:
Push through protective resistance → re-traumatization
Retreat from avoidance resistance → pattern reinforcement
This is precision work, not guesswork.
What Resistance Actually Is
Resistance is your system's communication protocol.
It's saying: "Not safe yet. Not ready yet. Slow down."
NOT saying:
❌ "You're failing"
❌ "You're broken"
❌ "Push harder"
❌ "Give up"
Your nervous system has wisdom. It's been protecting you for decades. When it resists, there's a reason.
The work isn't to overcome resistance. The work is to understand what it's protecting.
What people get wrong about resistance:
"Resistance = weakness"
Resistance = system intelligence
"Just push through"
Depends on type (see below)
"I shouldn't feel resistant"
Feeling it = the system working
"Resistance means stop"
Sometimes. Sometimes means go slower.
"I need to overcome it"
You need to understand it first
The reframe:
Resistance isn't blocking the path. It's showing you where careful navigation is required.
Evolutionary function:
Your nervous system evolved to keep you alive—not to make you comfortable or self-actualized.
Resistance mechanisms:
Threat detection: Amygdala flags danger (real or perceived)
System protection: Nervous system contracts/withdraws/freezes
Pattern maintenance: Old strategies feel safer than new unknowns
Capacity threshold: System knows its limits (you might not)
Translation:
When resistance shows up, your system is doing its job. The question isn't "Why am I resisting?" It's "What is this resistance protecting me from?"
Observable pattern:
High resistance = the work is touching something the system considers dangerous to feel/see/change.
(Which might be accurate. Or might be outdated protection code. This is where discernment comes in.)
Here's what's actually happening:
You (consciousness/Act 0) set up an intricate protection system (Acts 1-2) so convincing that you (the character) forgot you (the storyteller) designed it.
Now you're trying to dismantle protection code that thinks it's keeping "you" alive—not realizing the "you" it's protecting is a character construct, not the consciousness observing all of it.
The resistance is:
Nobody (Act 0) watching Somebody (character) resist change
The system protecting an identity that was always constructed
Training wheels resisting being removed
Eventually you'll see: There's nothing to resist and no one resisting it.
But until then: Map the territory. Learn the discernment. Do the work.
(This teaching becomes direct experience in Act 3. For now, work with resistance as if it's real.)
The Two Types of Resistance
Critical distinction: Not all resistance is the same.
Response depends on type. Get it wrong = harm.
THE CORE SKILL
Learning to discern protective resistance (danger signal) from avoidance resistance (discomfort signal) is one of the most important skills in transformation work.
Get it right: You move at the pace of safety + growth Get it wrong: You either re-traumatize or stay stuck
Type 1: Protective Resistance
What it is: Your nervous system detecting actual danger to your capacity.
Message: "This feels unsafe. Your system isn't ready to feel that feeling, face that memory, or make that change."
What happens if you push: Re-traumatization. Increased dysregulation. Longer recovery time. More damage.
How protective resistance shows up in the body:
IF 3+ signals present consistently: This is protective. Back off.
The body doesn't lie. If your system is shutting down, it's not being "resistant"—it's communicating capacity limits.
When protective resistance typically appears:
Example 1: Trauma Memory Work
Trying to process a traumatic memory
System floods with panic
Can't stay present, dissociate
→ Protective. Need more stabilization first.
Example 2: Big Life Change
Leaving abusive relationship
Keep "forgetting" to pack, make calls
Get physically ill when trying to move forward
→ Protective. System doesn't feel safe enough yet.
Example 3: Deep Emotional Processing
Feel into grief/rage from childhood
Shut down completely, can't access feeling
→ Protective. Nervous system can't hold that intensity yet.
Pattern recognition:
If the system is shutting down or flooding, it's protective resistance. Capacity isn't there yet.
When resistance is protective:
1. STOP PUSHING
Forcing through creates more trauma, not healing
Your system is giving you accurate information
Respect the boundary
2. BUILD CAPACITY FIRST
Grounding practices: Feet on floor, notice surroundings, 5 senses
Breath work: Slow exhale, box breathing, coherent breathing
Co-regulation: Work with therapist/guide/safe person
Titration: Break work into micro-steps (feel 10% of the feeling, not 100%)
Pendulation: Touch discomfort briefly, return to resource
3. GO SLOWER
If it feels too fast, it is too fast
Pace = safety + slight stretch (not flooding)
Build tolerance gradually
4. GET SUPPORT
Protective resistance often needs skilled guidance
A trauma-informed practitioner can pace the work
See: When to Get Support
CRITICAL
Pushing through protective resistance doesn't build strength—it creates more damage.
Capacity first. Depth second.
Always.
Type 2: Avoidance Resistance
What it is: Your ego/mind resisting discomfort (not danger).
Message: "This is uncomfortable. Your system is ready, but a part doesn't want to do the work."
What this is:
Ego inertia
Pattern maintenance
Comfort preference
Fear of unknown (not fear of harm)
Spiritual bypassing disguised as "not ready"
Observable difference: System CAN handle it. System DOESN'T WANT TO.
How avoidance resistance shows up:
IF this pattern is present: This is avoidance. Lean in gently.
The tell: If you can watch Netflix for 3 hours but "can't" do 10 minutes of the practice—it's avoidance.
When avoidance resistance typically appears:
Example 1: Relationship Boundary
Need to have difficult conversation
Keep "forgetting" or finding reasons to delay
Feel squirmy but not in danger
→ Avoidance. Uncomfortable but necessary.
Example 2: Practice Consistency
Meditation practice is helpful when you do it
Keep skipping it, cite being "too busy"
Life mysteriously gets busier when you commit
→ Avoidance. Pattern maintaining itself.
Example 3: Integration Work
Insight was clear, now need to apply it
Suddenly interested in new teachings/tools instead
→ Avoidance. Seeking comfort of novelty over discomfort of integration.
Pattern recognition:
If you CAN do it but keep finding reasons not to—it's avoidance resistance.
When resistance is avoidance:
1. NAME IT
Say out loud: "This is avoidance, not danger"
Acknowledge the discomfort without judging it
Recognize the pattern
2. STAY PRESENT
Feel the body sensation of resistance
90-second wave: most emotions peak and pass in 90 seconds if you stay with them
Three rounds of slow exhale (longer out than in)
Notice the discomfort isn't dangerous
3. ONE SMALL ACTION
Not heroic transformation—micro-step
Send the email (not write the whole thing, just send)
Set the boundary (not plan the perfect approach, just state it)
Do 5 minutes of practice (not the full protocol)
Open the document (not finish the project, just open it)
4. REMEMBER WHY
Freedom > comfort
Pattern maintenance = staying stuck
Discomfort is temporary; patterns are persistent
You know what happens if you don't do this (same loop)
THE MOVE
With avoidance resistance: Lean in just 10%.
Not pushing through. Not forcing. Just gentle, consistent pressure against the pattern.
Observable result:
The resistance often dissolves once you start. It was maintaining the pattern, not protecting you from harm.
The Resistance Spectrum
Not binary. It's a spectrum.
Most resistance falls somewhere in the middle: Part protective (real capacity limit) + part avoidance (ego resistance).
The skill: Find the edge. Work at the pace of safety + slight stretch.
DISCERNMENT TOOL
Ask yourself:
"If I do this thing I'm resisting, what am I actually afraid will happen?"
"I'll be overwhelmed/hurt/re-traumatized" → Protective
"I'll be uncomfortable/exposed/challenged" → Avoidance
"I don't know, I just don't want to" → Likely avoidance
"I might not survive it" (body believes this) → Protective
Your body knows. The mind will rationalize either direction.
How to Tell the Difference
The practical protocol:
Step 1: Pause & Feel
Stop trying to think your way through it.
Body-first inquiry:
Where is the resistance in your body?
What does it feel like? (tight, frozen, squirmy, numb, etc.)
Is the sensation saying "danger" or "discomfort"?
Danger signals:
Freeze/shutdown
Panic/terror
Dissociation/leaving body
System collapse
Discomfort signals:
Squirmy/edgy/restless
Mild anxiety (but intact)
"Don't wanna" feeling
Can still breathe, think, function
Step 2: Name It
Out loud if possible: "This is [protective/avoidance] resistance."
Naming creates distance. Distance creates choice.
Then ask:
"Is this keeping me safe or keeping me stuck?"
"Am I at capacity or avoiding discomfort?"
"What would happen if I took one small step forward?"
Step 3: Choose Response
Match your response to the type:
Back off
Lean in (gently)
Build capacity first
One micro-step forward
Slow down
Stay present 90 seconds
Get support
Remember why
Titrate the work
Name the pattern
The principle:
Neither forcing through nor endless retreat. Discerned response.
CAUTION
The mind will rationalize avoidance as protective ("I'm just being wise/cautious").
The mind will rationalize pushing through protective resistance as "growth" ("I just need to be braver").
Both are dangerous.
Always check with the body first. The body doesn't lie.
Authority & Research Foundation
Why this isn't just opinion:
Understanding resistance through nervous system science, trauma research, and attachment theory gives us precision tools—not guesswork.
Polyvagal Theory (Porges)
Core insight: The nervous system has three primary states: ventral vagal (safe/social), sympathetic (fight/flight), and dorsal vagal (shutdown).
Resistance through this lens:
Protective resistance = system in sympathetic or dorsal state (threat detected)
Healing requires ventral vagal activation (safety first)
Pushing in threat states = re-traumatization
Implication: You can't force someone (including yourself) into growth when the nervous system is in protection mode. Safety precedes depth.
Source:
Porges, S. The Polyvagal Theory — Nervous system regulation
Dana, D. Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection — Practical applications
Window of Tolerance (Siegel)
Core concept: We each have a "window of tolerance"—the range of arousal we can handle while staying regulated.
Above the window: Hyperarousal (panic, anxiety, fight/flight) Below the window: Hypoarousal (shutdown, freeze, dissociation) Inside the window: Can process, integrate, learn
Resistance through this lens:
Protective resistance = signal you're at window edge (going outside = flooding/shutdown)
Avoidance resistance = staying well inside window (could stretch but choosing not to)
The work: Gradually expand the window—don't blow past it.
Source:
Siegel, D. The Developing Mind — Window of tolerance framework
Titration & Pendulation (Levine)
Titration: Working with small, manageable doses of activation (touch the discomfort briefly, then back off).
Pendulation: Oscillating between activation and resource (touch difficulty → return to safety → repeat).
Resistance through this lens:
Protective resistance = indicator that dose was too large (need smaller titration)
Proper pacing = builds capacity without overwhelming system
The practice: Feel 10% of the feeling, not 100%. Build tolerance gradually.
Source:
Levine, P. Waking the Tiger — Somatic experiencing, titration
Levine, P. In an Unspoken Voice — Pendulation mechanics
The Body Keeps the Score (van der Kolk)
Core finding: Trauma gets encoded in the body. Cognitive insight alone doesn't release it—somatic work is essential.
Resistance through this lens:
Body-based resistance = accurate information system
Somatic signals precede cognitive awareness
Pushing through body resistance = bypassing the information
Implication: Trust the body's signals over the mind's rationalizations.
Source:
van der Kolk, B. The Body Keeps the Score — Trauma and the body
Ego Development Theory (Loevinger, Kegan)
Core insight: The ego structure resists change because change threatens identity stability.
Avoidance resistance through this lens:
Pattern maintenance = ego self-preservation
The "character" resists recognizing it's a character
Growth requires ego flexibility (which feels threatening to the ego)
The work: Compassion for the resistance (it thinks it's keeping "you" safe) while gently working with it.
Source:
Kegan, R. The Evolving Self — Ego development stages
Loevinger, J. Ego Development — Stages of ego maturation
The synthesis:
Resistance is multi-layered information: Nervous system state + capacity threshold + ego protection + somatic encoding.
Working with resistance skillfully = reading all these layers accurately.
Resistance Across the Acts
Resistance shows up differently in each Act. Same mechanism, different content.
Primary resistance in Act 1: Resisting seeing the wound/pattern.
Why: The operating system doesn't want to be seen because it thinks it's keeping you safe. Identity feels threatened by recognition.
Looks like:
"I don't have patterns" (can't see the code you're running)
"This is just who I am" (identified with the character)
Deflection when someone points out pattern
Getting defensive about feedback
Can't map your story (resistance to looking)
The work: Gentle inquiry. Pattern recognition practice. No forcing.
Resource: Act 1: Forgetting
Primary resistance in Act 2: Resisting stopping the search. Tools/techniques feel safer than integration.
Why: Seeking mode is comfortable. You're "working on yourself" without having to change. The next book/workshop/method promises to be THE answer (so you don't have to do the work).
Looks like:
Tool collecting instead of practice
Workshop hopping
Always researching, never integrating
"Not ready yet" (after 10 years of prep)
Spiritual bypassing disguised as seeking
The work: Stop adding tools. Work with what you have. Integration > accumulation.
Resource: Act 2: Seeking
Primary resistance in Act 3: Resisting descent into the unknown. Every cell screams "SEEK RESCUE!"
Why: Act 3 is ego death territory. The character structure is dissolving. The system interprets this as literal death threat.
Looks like:
Intense fear during deep practice
Urge to flee back to Act 2 tools
"Something is wrong" (when actually something is right)
Crisis calls to teachers/friends for reassurance
Wanting to be saved from the process
The work: Trust the process. Stay with it. This is supposed to feel like dissolution—because it is.
Resource: Act 3: Journey In
Primary resistance in Act 4: Resisting the boring work. Integration lacks the drama of breakthrough.
Why: Act 4 is repair, repetition, practice. No fireworks. The ego wants more peak experiences, not daily maintenance.
Looks like:
Skipping practice after insight clarity
Seeking next breakthrough instead of integrating current one
"I already know this" (knowing ≠ embodying)
Tuesday Test failing (insight didn't change behavior)
Spiritual bypassing: using Act 3 language while living Act 1 patterns
The work: Commit to the boring. Show up Tuesday morning. Integration IS the transformation.
Resource: Act 4: The Missing Act
Resistance in Act 0: None. And all of it.
Why: Act 0 is what's watching all resistance. There's no resistance at the level of consciousness—only the play of resistance/non-resistance within the dream.
The joke: All the resistance across Acts 1-4 was Nobody pretending to be Somebody resisting change.
When this is recognized directly: Resistance becomes theater. You watch it perform without believing the performance.
The work: There is no work. There never was. But until you see that directly, do the work as if there is.
Resource: Act 0: Divine Play
Observable Patterns: Resistance Checklist
Diagnostic tool for real-time recognition:
Protective Resistance Checklist
When facing something difficult, check for these signals:
IF 3+ signals: This is protective. Respect the boundary.
Response:
Stop pushing
Build capacity first (grounding, co-regulation, titration)
Get support if needed
Try smaller dose
Avoidance Resistance Checklist
When facing something uncomfortable:
IF 3+ signals: This is avoidance. Lean in gently.
Response:
Name it: "This is avoidance"
One micro-step (not heroic action, tiny move)
Stay present 90 seconds with discomfort
Remember why
Practical Protocol: Working with Resistance in Real-Time
When resistance appears (at any scale):
The PAUSE-NAME-RESPOND Protocol
Example application:
Scenario: Need to have difficult conversation. Feeling resistant.
PAUSE:
Stop planning what to say
Feel body: tight chest, mild anxiety, but breathing okay
Squirmy/edgy, not frozen/panicked
NAME:
"This is avoidance resistance"
"I can do this, I just don't want to"
"Discomfort, not danger"
RESPOND:
One step: schedule the conversation (don't have it yet if not ready, just schedule)
Stay with discomfort 90 seconds
Notice: didn't die, resistance reducing
Observable result: Once scheduled, the resistance often dissolves. It was maintaining avoidance, not protecting from harm.
Tuesday Test: Resistance Edition
THE STANDARD
Real skill with resistance isn't measured by understanding the concept or naming the types. It's measured by what you do Tuesday morning when resistance appears and nobody's watching.
Can you:
Catch resistance in real-time?
Distinguish protective from avoidance?
Respond appropriately (back off OR lean in)?
That's the proof.
Before This Skill
Tuesday 10 a.m., resistance appears:
Automatic pattern runs (freeze OR force through)
No discernment between types
Either re-traumatize yourself or stay stuck
Pattern reinforces itself
No conscious choice
With This Skill
Tuesday 10 a.m., resistance appears:
Notice: "Resistance is here"
Pause, feel body first
Discern: "This is [protective/avoidance]"
Choose response accordingly
Act with precision (not reaction)
Pattern begins to shift
The Standard: Real-Time Discernment
Pass: You catch resistance while it's happening, name the type, respond appropriately
Fail: Resistance runs the old pattern (automatic freeze OR automatic push-through)
The gap between pass and fail: Milliseconds of awareness. That's all transformation requires.
Learn more: The Tuesday Test
Common Traps & How to Avoid Them
The trap: "I should be able to handle this. I'm just being weak. Push through."
Why it's harmful: Creates more trauma. Teaches the system it's not safe with you. Increases dysregulation. Longer recovery time.
Observable result: Get worse, not better. System shuts down more. Take longer to heal.
How to avoid:
Trust body signals over mind's "shoulds"
Capacity first, always
Slower = faster in the long run
Get support when needed
Remember: "Should be able to" ≠ "am currently able to"
Learn more: When to Pause
The trap: "I'm just honoring my process. I'll know when I'm ready. I'm trusting divine timing."
Why it's a trap: Spiritual language disguising avoidance. Pattern maintains itself. Years pass, nothing changes.
Observable result: Same patterns. Same loops. Same complaints. Zero actual movement.
How to avoid:
Tuesday Test: Is behavior changing?
Honest assessment: CAN I do this or truly not ready?
Ask someone outside the pattern for reality check
One micro-step (not heroics, just tiny move forward)
Remember: "Not ready" for 5 years = avoidance, not wisdom.
Learn more: Integration vs. Bypassing
The trap: Mind rationalizes avoidance as protective OR rationalizes pushing through protective resistance as "growth."
Why it's dangerous: Both cause harm. Either stay stuck forever OR re-traumatize yourself.
How to avoid:
Always check body first (not mind's story)
Body signals danger vs. discomfort
When unsure, err on side of caution (treat as protective until proven otherwise)
Get outside perspective from skilled guide
The principle: When in doubt, go slower and build more capacity. Can always lean in later. Can't un-do re-traumatization.
The trap: "I'm just really resistant. That's who I am. I'm a resistant person."
Why it's a trap: Makes resistance fundamental instead of functional. Locks in the pattern.
The reframe: Resistance isn't who you are—it's what your system does when it perceives threat or wants to avoid discomfort.
Observable shift: From: "I am resistant" To: "I notice resistance appearing"
The difference: First = identification. Second = observation.
Identification locks it in. Observation creates space for choice.
Learn more: Storyteller vs. Character
When Resistance Work Gets Complex
You might need support if:
You can't tell the difference between types
Signals:
Everything feels like danger OR everything feels like you should push through
Can't read your body's signals
Constantly guessing wrong (either re-traumatizing OR staying stuck)
No internal reference for "safe discomfort"
What helps:
Skilled guide who can read your nervous system
Co-regulation to learn what safety feels like
Gradual capacity building with support
Resource: When to Get Support
Protective resistance is persistent
Signals:
Keep hitting same protective wall
Can't build enough capacity on your own
System stays in protection mode constantly
Small steps still overwhelm
What helps:
Trauma-informed therapeutic support
Somatic practitioners who work with nervous system
Gradual titration with skilled guidance
Building window of tolerance systematically
Note: This isn't failure—it's recognizing when solo work has limits.
Avoidance patterns are entrenched
Signals:
Know it's avoidance, still can't move
Years of "not ready yet"
Can see the pattern clearly but it doesn't shift
Cycle of insight → avoidance → insight → avoidance
What helps:
Accountability structure (not just insight)
Someone outside the pattern who can call it
Systematic practice framework
Support with integration (not just insight)
Remember: Avoidance is sophisticated. It looks like wisdom. Outside perspective helps.
Resistance is running the show
Signals:
Life organized around avoiding discomfort
Every growth opportunity met with resistance
Can't move forward in any area
Resistance has become identity
What helps:
Comprehensive support (not just technique)
Address underlying protection needs
Build safety + capacity systematically
Work with skilled guide who won't bypass OR force
This is common. The system is doing its job (protecting). It just needs updating.
SUPPORT AVAILABLE
Working with resistance skillfully often benefits from having someone who can see what you can't see—because by definition, when you're in the pattern, you can't see the pattern.
When to consider support:
Keep getting the discernment wrong (forcing through OR endlessly retreating)
Stuck in same resistance loop for extended time
Need help building capacity/window of tolerance
Avoidance patterns are sophisticated and convincing
Resources:
(Or don't. Some resistance work is meant to be solo. Trust your discernment.)
Quick Reference: Resistance Response Guide
Keep this accessible for real-time use:
Body freezing/shutting down
Protective
Stop. Ground. Back off.
Panic/overwhelm rising
Protective
Stop. Breathe. Titrate smaller.
Getting physically ill when pushing
Protective
Honor boundary. Build capacity first.
Procrastinating for weeks
Avoidance
Name it. One micro-step.
Endless research, no action
Avoidance
Stop adding. Start doing (small).
"Not ready" for years
Likely Avoidance
Reality check. Tiny action.
Squirmy discomfort, can function
Avoidance
Lean in 10%. Stay present 90 sec.
Dissociation/leaving body
Protective
Stop immediately. Re-ground.
Spiritual bypass language
Likely Avoidance
Tuesday Test. Behavior changing?
Truly unsure which type
Assume Protective
Go slower. Build capacity. Err on caution.
The principle: When unsure, treat as protective (safer to go slow than force through). Can always lean in later.
Integration Practice: 30-Day Resistance Protocol
Build skill with daily micro-practice:
Week 1: Recognition
Week 2: Naming
Week 3: Response
Week 4: Integration
Tuesday Test checkpoint: End of 30 days, when resistance appears, can you navigate it skillfully more often than not?
That's the standard.
Navigate From Here
Core Concepts:
The Tuesday Test — Observable proof standard
Integration vs. Bypassing — Real work vs. spiritual bypass
When to Pause — Knowing when to stop
Storyteller vs. Character — Who's resisting what?
Practices:
Discernment Practice — Building the core skill
Surrender Practice — Working with protective resistance
Daily Rhythm — Integration container
Acts Framework:
Act 1: Forgetting — Resistance to seeing
Act 2: Seeking — Resistance to stopping
Act 3: Journey In — Resistance to descent
Act 4: The Missing Act — Resistance to boring work
Support:
When to Get Support — Knowing when solo work has limits
Work with Oriya — Available support options
Sources & Further Reading
Nervous System & Trauma
Porges, S. The Polyvagal Theory — Nervous system regulation
Dana, D. Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection — Applied practices
van der Kolk, B. The Body Keeps the Score — Trauma and body
Levine, P. Waking the Tiger — Somatic experiencing, titration
Window of Tolerance & Integration
Siegel, D. The Developing Mind — Window of tolerance
Ogden, P. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy — Body-based trauma work
Ego Development
Kegan, R. The Evolving Self — Ego development, resistance to change
Loevinger, J. Ego Development — Developmental stages
Integration & Practice
Kornfield, J. After the Ecstasy, the Laundry — Integration challenges
Welwood, J. Toward a Psychology of Awakening — Spiritual bypassing
REMEMBER
Resistance isn't the enemy. It's your system's protection protocol—brilliant, sophisticated, and worth listening to.
The skill isn't eliminating resistance. The skill is discerning what it's telling you and responding with precision.
That's transformation.
The Meta-Teaching: Resistance as Play
Eventually you'll see:
Nobody (Act 0) watching Somebody (character) resist change that was always just consciousness playing with itself.
The resistance was:
Part of the game
How the forgetting happened
How the remembering happens
Never a problem to solve
But you can't know this from inside the resistance.
So:
Learn the discernment
Build the skill
Do the work
Then one day: You'll recognize there was never anything to resist and no one resisting it.
Until then: Treat resistance with respect, precision, and care.
It's been protecting you this whole time.
(Even when the protection wasn't needed anymore.)
Frame that. Burn that. Laugh at that.
All work.
This is a living document. Resistance territory shifts as you do. Return as needed. Skip what you've integrated. Use what serves.
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